12 hours now

This is it... Isobel's Mom has gone to bed... we're up early, then off to the hospital...

I'm equally worried about her going through the procedure and emerging in good health, about Isobel arriving safely and in good health, and about my own ability to cope with what seems like an enormous day...

I know everything about being a dad doesn't get demanded at once - I won't have to worry about anything other than keeping her warm, fed and safe for the first few weeks, or months...

But it seems like everything in my life tips over into a different direction tomorrow - it's hard to think past that moment when I'll see Isobel for the first time... What will she look like? Will she be healthy? Will I get to hold her? Will her Mom be ok? What do I have to do tomorrow?

There are so many questions - and absolutely no answers.

My life is usually built around a plan - I always know when my deadlines are, what I need to get done by when, roughly, where I'll be at the end of the day and what I need to do tomorow...

I'm a bit lost here. I don't know what I have to do tomorrow. I don't know where I'm sleeping tomorrow night, I don't know what I'll be feeling, or how to prepare for it.

As someone who is usually organised and prepared, that's a struggle.

But fundamentally, nothing that happens to me tomorrow is important. There are only two important things. 1) That Isobel's Mom is ok and healthy 2) That Isobel is ok and healthy.

Everything else, I'll have to figure out as I go...