8

Not a bad day today, Isobel's Mom is cheerful... but nervous...

Tomorrow we have exactly one week to go, she's at the doctors in the morning for the final check up and to co-ordinate all the hospital details...

Really at this stage, we just have to get to Saturday, that's when her eldest daughter is off with her dad... then Isobel's Mom doesn't have any more worries - apart from giving birth to Isobel

I was thinking about the long list of stuff we've had to get... clothes, vests, bed sheets, socks, hats, mittens... I didn't know why we'd need mittens - until we were out somewhere and Isobel's Mom pointed out a newborn, whose face was all scratched... apparently they don't know that their nails are sharp

Anyway, then, there was the wardrobe, the cot, the buggy, the pram, the moses basket, the bottles, the steriliser, more clothes... and so on...

We still need nappies and dvds for the video camera... Otherwise, hopefully we're all set...

I've got flowers ordered for Isobel's Mom tomorrow - optimistically, they say 1 Week to go... that will probably jinx it and she'll end up having Isobel tomorrow... I hope not!

The end of the 9th Day...

I'm worried that this is very repetitious... but really, nothing happened today... We're one day closer...

I'm mainly worried if Isobel's Mom is going to make it - the poor thing is really struggling... She's tired, not sleeping and just a little bit cranky... I feel so sorry for her... I'm torn between wishing that Isobel would just come early and make things easier on her Mom, and then hoping that everything follows the timeline we had planned...

Isobel's sister is due to go to see her Dad, in the week that Isobel is due. This means Isobel's Mom doesn't have to worry about who is minding her etc, so it would be better all round... I'm just wondering if she can make it through another 8 days...

Let's hope so...

In the meantime, the phone is always on, alcohol remains untouched and I'm on high alert

10 Days left...

Well, we hope 10 days left, I'm starting to wonder if we'll get there...

Isobel's Mom is really finding things dfficult, she's in so much discomfort... It's hard going even walking...

And I'm realising how useless I am - there is literally nothing I can do to make things better - and also how completely different this experience is for men and women

I know that sounds really stupid, but the enormity of what she's going through really only starts to sink in when we're at the point that Isobel is about to appear in the real world. It just seems the line between being pregnant and being a parent is getting ever closer...

I can still freak out while Isobel's Mom is pregnant - but I need to have all of that out of the way once Isobel gets here...

Day 11

This countdown is providing good discipline - at least it's making me remember to blog every day...

In fact, I was heading off to bed at 9.30 (I know, but I'm exhausted) and I remembered I had posted nothing for Day 11... so I hooked up the laptop and the stupid O2 thing that is supposed to work anywhere, but usually doesn't...

We're getting pretty close now - in fact I got a bit of a suprise when I saw Isobel's Mom today - I hadn't seen her since Monday - and she's gotten bigger. It's definitely looking more and more like a full grown baby in there...

Because Isobel is in the breech poition, her head keeps banging off her Mom's ribs, or stomach and it's hard work...

Isobel's Mom has been insanely busy in the house, everything here is gleaming, all the shelves have been emptied and tidied and polished - the nest is ready for Isobel's arrival...

The last thing we're waiting on is the cot. That's due to arrive on Tueday and hopefully will be assembled by the deliverers...

There's one other thing I'm waiting on - and that's the Gucci baby bag that Isobel's Mom really wanted... I waited in work last night til 9pm to make sure I won the ebay auction... it should arrive in the post next week... That's going to be a suprise

The odd thing about the counting down to Isobel's arrival, is the effect it's having on me... It's given me a real focus for how this is going to change my life around...

I think the main thing I'm realising is that this is a hard marker for my life. From now on, I only get older. Everything is relative to the age of Isobel - I've been doing the maths... I'll be 50 when she is 15... I'll be 56 when she's 21... When she's 35, I'll be 70

It's disturbing. I can't drift anymore, I can't let things pass for a year, because, she's going to keep growing and changing and learning and wanting... And I have to be there to hold and support and teach and provide... It seems like a lot of responsibility... I just hope I'm good enough at it...

It's now nearly the end of Day 12

Tricky day today...

Isobel's Mom was in one of those moods...

She is very determined, when she wants to be, which is pretty much all the time...

Still, calm, supportive etc...

Oh and waiting in the office until 8.30 in the evening to buy the baby bag she wants on Ebay as a suprise...

13 Days to go

Ok, today I am really tired...

I don't know why, I've been exhausted for the last week or more...

I feel like I'm completely out of steam

I don't know whether it's sympathy tiredness, because I know Isobel's Mom is absolutely exhausted - but then she is doing all of the work at this point!

She went to the doctor today, who is our fill in doctor, as our actual doc is away for the last two weeks... We've been keeping our fingers crossed that Isobel is well behaved and arrives on time...

The news is all good, Isobel will be a good healthy size, maybe 8 pounds, we think... She's still in the breech position, but that's ok as we're due to have a C section anyway...

Anyway, I'm going to bed at 8.30... And I'm starting some Pharmaton tomorrow

I wonder if it's a kind of foreshadowing... I know once Isobel is born, I'll be exhausted, because there'll be night feeds and constant alertness required... Am I psyching myself up by exhausting myself?

Anyway, all I know is, bed beckons

Now it's 14 Days...

That clock keeps on ticking... And everyone keeps asking, how long?

Isobel's Mom is in a flurry of nesting...

Every plate, cup, bowl, press, drawer, etc have been lifted, inspected, checked and accepted or rejected

More plastic boxes arrive everyday... and I've been hanging things and dismantling things and storing things like it's going out of fashion...

It's a funny relationship with me and Isobel's Mom... Things are complicated, but then I get the impression that everyone leads complicated lives nowadays...

She has an ex, I have an ex, she has a daughter, soon, we'll have a daughter together...

The weird part is that we live seperately... so her house is ready, preapred, clean and stuffed with all the essentials... mine remains the usual sharp cornered, dusty, bachelor pad...

It's the thinking that is wrecking my head...

There are so many unknowns... I feel like that Donald Rumsfeld quote...

In fact, the Slate magazine reprinted the quote as if it were a poem

The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

Anyway, the point is I'm worrying about things I can't answer... So I should stop...

But it's hard...

15 Days to Go...

Ok, I have 15 days left before my life changes for ever...

Baby Isobel is on her way...

Momma is getting larger by the day, I'm getting more anxious by the day...

We're due to have a C Section on July the 8th

I can hear the clock ticking in my head...

I'm excited

I'm nervous

I'm dreaming about situations that could happen...

I've stopped drinking so I can drive Momma to the hospital in the night...

The twist is, for her, this is her second.

She has a beautiful 6 and a half year old daughter already... so, she's a veteran...

I am a neophyte, a shivering virgin, a terrified and exhilirated father to be...

I hope I'll be able to keep track of it as it happens here...

I suspect I'll have plenty of late night time to write...