She's here..

Let's start by saying, I was wrong about 12 hours on two counts...

Firstly we ended up driving to the hospital just after 3.30am... Then the procedure didn't happen until 1.30pm

Anyway, it was all worth it... Isobel is here, she weighed 9lbs, 3ozs... and she and her Mom are well and healthy...

I have so much more to say, but I'm also exhausted...

She's amazing though

12 hours now

This is it... Isobel's Mom has gone to bed... we're up early, then off to the hospital...

I'm equally worried about her going through the procedure and emerging in good health, about Isobel arriving safely and in good health, and about my own ability to cope with what seems like an enormous day...

I know everything about being a dad doesn't get demanded at once - I won't have to worry about anything other than keeping her warm, fed and safe for the first few weeks, or months...

But it seems like everything in my life tips over into a different direction tomorrow - it's hard to think past that moment when I'll see Isobel for the first time... What will she look like? Will she be healthy? Will I get to hold her? Will her Mom be ok? What do I have to do tomorrow?

There are so many questions - and absolutely no answers.

My life is usually built around a plan - I always know when my deadlines are, what I need to get done by when, roughly, where I'll be at the end of the day and what I need to do tomorow...

I'm a bit lost here. I don't know what I have to do tomorrow. I don't know where I'm sleeping tomorrow night, I don't know what I'll be feeling, or how to prepare for it.

As someone who is usually organised and prepared, that's a struggle.

But fundamentally, nothing that happens to me tomorrow is important. There are only two important things. 1) That Isobel's Mom is ok and healthy 2) That Isobel is ok and healthy.

Everything else, I'll have to figure out as I go...

We've got 36 hours left...

All is well, had a very quiet day... Getting closer and closer!

So, we missed Day 4 - and now Day 3 is over

Sorry about the non-blogging...

Yesterday was one of those days that seemed to go on forever - not because of baby matters, just work stuff... I hate Fridays that never end, because you always start on a Friday with a sneaky hope that you'll be finished by lunchtime and that you could just disappear... Instead, I was last man standing, the carpark was totally empty by the time I departed...

In Isobel news, all is well. Isobel's sister headed off to spend a week with her dad this morning, so there is no more worrying about how to take care of her, if Isobel decides to appear early...

Isobel's Mom is really tired now and having great difficulty moving around, but everything is well otherwise.

We've been charging up video cameras and buying discs, in fact tomorrow, I have to take some pictures of Isobel's Mom in her pregnant state, so we can show Isobel later... It's something that fascinates Isobel's sister and there are very few photos from the first pregnancy...

Anyway, hopefully tonight will pass quietly and then we're down to the final 48 hours

We made it to day 5...

It's crazy now... I can't get my head around how close we are...

Isobel's Mom is in great form, she looks great, she's really glowing... I said that to her and she said... "i bet I'll pop tonight then!"

Let's hope not... the plan remains to try and get to Saturday at least...

Anyway, Isobel's room looks great, the cot has sheets, the walls are decorated, everything is ready!

Day 6 is over..

It's really very close...

When I pass people who know what's going on at work - all I have to say is "tick tock, tick tock"...

Anyway, Isobel's Mom is fine, she had a good day - out shopping for sheets and stuff for Isobel's cot... and she bought some pictures for the room... Apparently it all looks great now, completely ready!

I'm still waiting for the bag I bought on Ebay... No sign yet... I hope it turns up soon... like, before Isobel does...

I mentioned yesterday about setting up an email address for her... I sent a test email from her account to my email and to her Mom's email... It made me smile to see her name in my Inbox... It looks well, I think the double barrelled thing works pretty well... I can't wait to see her now, to hold her, to have a daughter!

We're now down to 7 days...

By this time next week at the latest, Isobel will be here

I presume she won't be able to post on her own for a while, I guess I'll have to help with spellings and stuff for the first 7 years or so....

At least she'll have her own gmail address... I don't know if this is really sad, but I signed her up for her very own account...

I'm not sure if that is sad or future positive - who knows if gmail will even be relevant by the time she's ready to use it...

I do know people who register their kid's names as dot com addresses, but I think that's going a bit far...

Anyway, Isobel's Mom did her final doctor visit today, all is well

The cot arrived and was assembled - it looks great, it turns out it's also a day bed, kids bed, sofa combination in later life... Obviously I had to haul all of the extra bits into the attic before I headed for home...

8

Not a bad day today, Isobel's Mom is cheerful... but nervous...

Tomorrow we have exactly one week to go, she's at the doctors in the morning for the final check up and to co-ordinate all the hospital details...

Really at this stage, we just have to get to Saturday, that's when her eldest daughter is off with her dad... then Isobel's Mom doesn't have any more worries - apart from giving birth to Isobel

I was thinking about the long list of stuff we've had to get... clothes, vests, bed sheets, socks, hats, mittens... I didn't know why we'd need mittens - until we were out somewhere and Isobel's Mom pointed out a newborn, whose face was all scratched... apparently they don't know that their nails are sharp

Anyway, then, there was the wardrobe, the cot, the buggy, the pram, the moses basket, the bottles, the steriliser, more clothes... and so on...

We still need nappies and dvds for the video camera... Otherwise, hopefully we're all set...

I've got flowers ordered for Isobel's Mom tomorrow - optimistically, they say 1 Week to go... that will probably jinx it and she'll end up having Isobel tomorrow... I hope not!

The end of the 9th Day...

I'm worried that this is very repetitious... but really, nothing happened today... We're one day closer...

I'm mainly worried if Isobel's Mom is going to make it - the poor thing is really struggling... She's tired, not sleeping and just a little bit cranky... I feel so sorry for her... I'm torn between wishing that Isobel would just come early and make things easier on her Mom, and then hoping that everything follows the timeline we had planned...

Isobel's sister is due to go to see her Dad, in the week that Isobel is due. This means Isobel's Mom doesn't have to worry about who is minding her etc, so it would be better all round... I'm just wondering if she can make it through another 8 days...

Let's hope so...

In the meantime, the phone is always on, alcohol remains untouched and I'm on high alert

10 Days left...

Well, we hope 10 days left, I'm starting to wonder if we'll get there...

Isobel's Mom is really finding things dfficult, she's in so much discomfort... It's hard going even walking...

And I'm realising how useless I am - there is literally nothing I can do to make things better - and also how completely different this experience is for men and women

I know that sounds really stupid, but the enormity of what she's going through really only starts to sink in when we're at the point that Isobel is about to appear in the real world. It just seems the line between being pregnant and being a parent is getting ever closer...

I can still freak out while Isobel's Mom is pregnant - but I need to have all of that out of the way once Isobel gets here...

Day 11

This countdown is providing good discipline - at least it's making me remember to blog every day...

In fact, I was heading off to bed at 9.30 (I know, but I'm exhausted) and I remembered I had posted nothing for Day 11... so I hooked up the laptop and the stupid O2 thing that is supposed to work anywhere, but usually doesn't...

We're getting pretty close now - in fact I got a bit of a suprise when I saw Isobel's Mom today - I hadn't seen her since Monday - and she's gotten bigger. It's definitely looking more and more like a full grown baby in there...

Because Isobel is in the breech poition, her head keeps banging off her Mom's ribs, or stomach and it's hard work...

Isobel's Mom has been insanely busy in the house, everything here is gleaming, all the shelves have been emptied and tidied and polished - the nest is ready for Isobel's arrival...

The last thing we're waiting on is the cot. That's due to arrive on Tueday and hopefully will be assembled by the deliverers...

There's one other thing I'm waiting on - and that's the Gucci baby bag that Isobel's Mom really wanted... I waited in work last night til 9pm to make sure I won the ebay auction... it should arrive in the post next week... That's going to be a suprise

The odd thing about the counting down to Isobel's arrival, is the effect it's having on me... It's given me a real focus for how this is going to change my life around...

I think the main thing I'm realising is that this is a hard marker for my life. From now on, I only get older. Everything is relative to the age of Isobel - I've been doing the maths... I'll be 50 when she is 15... I'll be 56 when she's 21... When she's 35, I'll be 70

It's disturbing. I can't drift anymore, I can't let things pass for a year, because, she's going to keep growing and changing and learning and wanting... And I have to be there to hold and support and teach and provide... It seems like a lot of responsibility... I just hope I'm good enough at it...

It's now nearly the end of Day 12

Tricky day today...

Isobel's Mom was in one of those moods...

She is very determined, when she wants to be, which is pretty much all the time...

Still, calm, supportive etc...

Oh and waiting in the office until 8.30 in the evening to buy the baby bag she wants on Ebay as a suprise...

13 Days to go

Ok, today I am really tired...

I don't know why, I've been exhausted for the last week or more...

I feel like I'm completely out of steam

I don't know whether it's sympathy tiredness, because I know Isobel's Mom is absolutely exhausted - but then she is doing all of the work at this point!

She went to the doctor today, who is our fill in doctor, as our actual doc is away for the last two weeks... We've been keeping our fingers crossed that Isobel is well behaved and arrives on time...

The news is all good, Isobel will be a good healthy size, maybe 8 pounds, we think... She's still in the breech position, but that's ok as we're due to have a C section anyway...

Anyway, I'm going to bed at 8.30... And I'm starting some Pharmaton tomorrow

I wonder if it's a kind of foreshadowing... I know once Isobel is born, I'll be exhausted, because there'll be night feeds and constant alertness required... Am I psyching myself up by exhausting myself?

Anyway, all I know is, bed beckons

Now it's 14 Days...

That clock keeps on ticking... And everyone keeps asking, how long?

Isobel's Mom is in a flurry of nesting...

Every plate, cup, bowl, press, drawer, etc have been lifted, inspected, checked and accepted or rejected

More plastic boxes arrive everyday... and I've been hanging things and dismantling things and storing things like it's going out of fashion...

It's a funny relationship with me and Isobel's Mom... Things are complicated, but then I get the impression that everyone leads complicated lives nowadays...

She has an ex, I have an ex, she has a daughter, soon, we'll have a daughter together...

The weird part is that we live seperately... so her house is ready, preapred, clean and stuffed with all the essentials... mine remains the usual sharp cornered, dusty, bachelor pad...

It's the thinking that is wrecking my head...

There are so many unknowns... I feel like that Donald Rumsfeld quote...

In fact, the Slate magazine reprinted the quote as if it were a poem

The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.

Anyway, the point is I'm worrying about things I can't answer... So I should stop...

But it's hard...

15 Days to Go...

Ok, I have 15 days left before my life changes for ever...

Baby Isobel is on her way...

Momma is getting larger by the day, I'm getting more anxious by the day...

We're due to have a C Section on July the 8th

I can hear the clock ticking in my head...

I'm excited

I'm nervous

I'm dreaming about situations that could happen...

I've stopped drinking so I can drive Momma to the hospital in the night...

The twist is, for her, this is her second.

She has a beautiful 6 and a half year old daughter already... so, she's a veteran...

I am a neophyte, a shivering virgin, a terrified and exhilirated father to be...

I hope I'll be able to keep track of it as it happens here...

I suspect I'll have plenty of late night time to write...